Happy Hunger Games!!

"May the odds be ever in your favor."

So, Hunger Games came out today.  Yeah, I'm a fan.   I'm totally Team Peeta, lol.

I know that most of the time divorcing a narcissist, or even living through any situation that involves emotional and verbal abuse can feel like you're living in your own personal Hunger Games: a brutal, bloody, and rigged, fight for survival.  It's unfair, and the ruling powers that be seem to have a tendency to stack the deck so that the odds are ever in the favor of the one person who is trying to conquer you.  It's like your ex is a Career, right?  He's trained his whole life in the ever-so-deadly arts of manipulation and deceit, and he is ruthlessly cunning and does whatever he has to to win at all costs. 

As odd as it may sound, there's something in particular that I read in these books that I have actually found myself doing in dealing with my narcissistic ex when he plays his psychotic mind games with me.   I know you understand the feeling of wondering if you're actually the crazy person when you're facing the gaslighting and the anti-logic.   I've had those moments when I think, "Maybe he's right.  Maybe I'm overreacting.  Maybe I'm the one who's being difficult and uncooperative."   That's when I started what I call the "Katniss Maneuver." 

Remember how mental Katniss got after everything had happened??  (In Mockingjay.)   She had so much trauma happen to her that she lost touch with reality.  There was a trick that her psychotherapist taught her to help her keep her grasp on what was real and what wasn't.  She would start with the most basic fact that she knew to be true, and build from there, one fact at the time.  "My name is Katniss Everdeen.  I am seventeen years old.  I was in the Hunger Games.  The Capitol wants to kill me."  And then she would be able to work from there to distinguish what was true and wasn't.

I can completely relate to this.   In those times when I would feel so very confused after one of those conversations with my ex, I would mentally walk myself through the facts until I once again found my footing and retrieved my grasp on the truth and my solid reality.  "My name is (name changed to protect the innocent) Katniss Everdeen.  I am ## years old.  My ex-husband cheated on me several times.  He left me.  He verbally abused me.   He ignored my children, and now he is angry about child support and we're fighting over custody.   I am not crazy.  I am not the vindictive, difficult, angry person he says I am."   It's been a helpful way to remind myself of the truth in the times when I almost succumbed to the lies.  

When you educate yourself about the tactics that the abusers use, it's much easier to defend against them.   Just like any other military strategy.  Know thy enemy.  When you know how their weapons work, you can protect yourself and fight against them properly. 

Hang in there, dear one.   Remind yourself of the truth.   One step at the time.   Don't give up.    The only power that a lie has is when it succeeds in keeping the truth silenced.  Be strong, and MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR.